Accessorizing a Computer

God damn it. All I want is two monitors.

I want the ability to be a nerd, having two monitors glaring me in the face with all their data, their glamor. And hell, I want to be able to watch a movie on one while being productive on the other. How hard is this?

Well, apparently pretty hard. Accessorizing anything in this American society is pretty damn difficult. We have bags that need to go with the color of our dress. We have an American Eagle shirt that couldn't possibly go with Hollister jeans. And we have a monitor that does not feel like it wants to be with another on the same desk.

Why so hard?

Because some greedy bitch in California, when designing my piece of shit workstation, must have thought that it would be hilarious if someday down the line, that the owner wanted to be a tremendous nerd and have two screens, that he or she shouldn't be allowed such a simple fix. Oh no. They would need to invest more than $99.99 for a monitor, $28.00 for a cord to split the signal, and then watch as the young aficionado struggles to make sense that everything he paid for is useless unless more hundreds are put on his silver shiny magic card, where money vanishes at the swish of a wrist.

ALL I WANT IS TWO MONITORS! HOW HARD IS THIS?