On the note of relationships, I have wanted to try and break down the different phases that one couple goes through just to get to a point where they feel comfortable. I call it the Phase V Process. Although not guaranteed to always follow in this sequence, I find it to be pretty damn enlightening to any given situation.
Phase I: Search and Seek
The first obvious step of any relationship is to search out and seek the person that you would like to pursue. This can be in a numerous amount of venues, at different times, in different states of mind. All of these have to be in line with what you truly want, or you will end up with either another night of bad memories, a disease you may not want, or a baby that you will have to take care of. In any case, the Search and Seek is crucial to you finding the person you want to be with.
In many cases, people find that having alcohol in their system's makes this process seemingly easier. This is very dependent on the situation, but 7 times out of 10 it will be a better idea to have no alcohol in your system. Although a drunken mind speaks sober thoughts, your thoughts may come out as unattractive ever for a potential person. Likewise, if alcohol is affecting the awesomeness that the person you would like to pursue truly is, they will be incredibly unattractive. Drunks will find drunks, this is proven.
In the Search and Seek phase, you must be conscious of what you want and desire. HAVE GUIDELINES, not necessarily expectations.
In the Search and Seek phase, you may be flippant and selective. This is the point: to get out there, to see what is available, and to analyze others while simultaneously analyzing yourself. It is the best and worst stage all in one. Some say its a rush, others complain that it is a pain in the ass.
You may feel, at some points, that there are too many options available. If this is the case, you need to make an evaluative decision on which seems to be the best match up for you. If you try to play multiple people, chances are you are going to not only get exhausted, but also burned. It is not recommended if you are serious about going through with the other phases effortlessly.
Different venues include bars, cafes, mutual outings with friends, dance clubs, sporting events, concerts, and the list can go on. The venue sets the genre of people you are after. Keep that in mind.
All in all, the Search and Seek is the most crucial step, and will be the building block for everything that is to come with you and your potential candidate.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Do you know who I am?
I believe confidence is a great thing. I eat it up. I love being confident, and I love interacting with confident people.
But we all know the feeling when two confident people clash. It sucks. Like acid on an open flesh wound, it's going to be disastrous for everyone involved.
But I love confidence. To be able to walk into a room and not care about anyone or anything is a splendid thing. To feign fear and to approach everyone with posture and poise it a great thing. To appear to know everything while you may no nothing is a well-developed skill. And to walk away and appear as though you didn't have a second thought about anything is something that will keep people intrigued.
Allusive individuals are also good. You never know the full story. That's the mystery, it's the fun of it. It's the inkling feeling you'll never get it, but you really want to. To not understand why something is happening and be happy with it, or barely understand what is happening for that matter.
Do you know who I am? I'm confidence knocking.
But we all know the feeling when two confident people clash. It sucks. Like acid on an open flesh wound, it's going to be disastrous for everyone involved.
But I love confidence. To be able to walk into a room and not care about anyone or anything is a splendid thing. To feign fear and to approach everyone with posture and poise it a great thing. To appear to know everything while you may no nothing is a well-developed skill. And to walk away and appear as though you didn't have a second thought about anything is something that will keep people intrigued.
Allusive individuals are also good. You never know the full story. That's the mystery, it's the fun of it. It's the inkling feeling you'll never get it, but you really want to. To not understand why something is happening and be happy with it, or barely understand what is happening for that matter.
Do you know who I am? I'm confidence knocking.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Getting Old
One day, I am going to get old. This is the fact of life. You have your youth, you have your prime, you have old age.
One day, I fear I won't be able to hear. Or see. Or even control my bladder or colon.
I fear the day when I will shit my pants and have to ask someone to help me.
Getting old is sure going to stink. Because you go through life, thinking you are so high and mighty, when in fact you are nothing special. You are going to face the same fate that everyone else before you has--that you will get old, you will get helpless, and everything that you have worked hard for will be worth nothing.
People will fight over you, where they should put you and your aging body. People will fight over what casket or urn you should be placed in. And people will fight over your last possessions and money.
But getting old is something that youth want so badly. They want the ability to buy alcohol, to be done with the drama of school and education, to have a real job and a real car, to have a home and a family, and to find the extraordinary love everyone deserves.
Getting old--what a twisted thing.
One day, I fear I won't be able to hear. Or see. Or even control my bladder or colon.
I fear the day when I will shit my pants and have to ask someone to help me.
Getting old is sure going to stink. Because you go through life, thinking you are so high and mighty, when in fact you are nothing special. You are going to face the same fate that everyone else before you has--that you will get old, you will get helpless, and everything that you have worked hard for will be worth nothing.
People will fight over you, where they should put you and your aging body. People will fight over what casket or urn you should be placed in. And people will fight over your last possessions and money.
But getting old is something that youth want so badly. They want the ability to buy alcohol, to be done with the drama of school and education, to have a real job and a real car, to have a home and a family, and to find the extraordinary love everyone deserves.
Getting old--what a twisted thing.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Bags
I love bags almost as much as I love scarves. It an accessory that I pride myself with having a lot of.
I have big bags, small bags, murses, workout bags, duffel bags, luggage bags, messenger bags, tote bags, and of course paper bags.
Paper and plastic is one of the biggest decisions that customers across the world make every day. Bags that will either decompose in a week or that will not decompose for hundreds of years in our land fills.
We put our lives in bags. We meticulously seek out the most stylish and spacious bag, while rationalizing that putting more in it makes us a better person. We have stores that charge us upwards of $500.00 for little "C's" to be on it, making this particular bag superior from the rest.
We carry our business in bags. Books, laptops, pens, pencils, sensitive documents. Bags are the home for all of these wonderful things.
Bags see more of the world than we do. They go from store to store, traveling from place to place. They hold different materials of different importance, and they roll with you through your journeys in life. Whether big, small, ugly, or tall, bags are amazing.
And thus, I justify my bag addiction.
I have big bags, small bags, murses, workout bags, duffel bags, luggage bags, messenger bags, tote bags, and of course paper bags.
Paper and plastic is one of the biggest decisions that customers across the world make every day. Bags that will either decompose in a week or that will not decompose for hundreds of years in our land fills.
We put our lives in bags. We meticulously seek out the most stylish and spacious bag, while rationalizing that putting more in it makes us a better person. We have stores that charge us upwards of $500.00 for little "C's" to be on it, making this particular bag superior from the rest.
We carry our business in bags. Books, laptops, pens, pencils, sensitive documents. Bags are the home for all of these wonderful things.
Bags see more of the world than we do. They go from store to store, traveling from place to place. They hold different materials of different importance, and they roll with you through your journeys in life. Whether big, small, ugly, or tall, bags are amazing.
And thus, I justify my bag addiction.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
GPS
Let me tell you something: GPS travel is the most screwed up thing ever.
You have two choices: fastest or shortest, each with their own cross to bear. You either go 30 miles out of your way to take all major interstates, or take every ridiculous back road possible to your destination.
YOU JUST CANNOT WIN.
These damn devices scream out orders to brain-dead Americans who couldn't tell you what direction is north from south on a map (like myself). "TURN LEFT IN 2.0 MILES" becomes the only reverberation in your car as your music can't seem to cancel out the cranky voice that booms out of the box mounted to your dash. And you can't forget the dreaded "RECALCULATING" when you screw up its mandates to you.
I took my GPS to Marinette, WI today. A trip that should have taken me circa two and a half hours turned into a four hour ordeal. "Shortest distance" involved going through a populated Iola, WI where the local car show featuring thousands of car enthusiasts was going on, as well as taking every road possible to stay away from any form of civilization or state road that might actually have another car on it at the same time as mine.
Road construction through Oconto also created a problem, seeing as the entire road was completely torn to shit, and I had to retrace a good fifteen miles to get back onto a road that would take me an additional 20 miles out of my way.
And my damn box just kept shouting at me, ordering me around. I can just feel my blood pressure rise as that box gets incrementally louder as you screw up and disobey orders more and more.
AND TO TOP IT OFF, the technology continues to get more advanced, and therefore more "helpful," adding features like Speed Warning, which analyzes what roads you are driving on and alerts you with a trumpet making a noise similar to those heard at horse derbies.
We pay a box to scream orders at us. What a society.
You have two choices: fastest or shortest, each with their own cross to bear. You either go 30 miles out of your way to take all major interstates, or take every ridiculous back road possible to your destination.
YOU JUST CANNOT WIN.
These damn devices scream out orders to brain-dead Americans who couldn't tell you what direction is north from south on a map (like myself). "TURN LEFT IN 2.0 MILES" becomes the only reverberation in your car as your music can't seem to cancel out the cranky voice that booms out of the box mounted to your dash. And you can't forget the dreaded "RECALCULATING" when you screw up its mandates to you.
I took my GPS to Marinette, WI today. A trip that should have taken me circa two and a half hours turned into a four hour ordeal. "Shortest distance" involved going through a populated Iola, WI where the local car show featuring thousands of car enthusiasts was going on, as well as taking every road possible to stay away from any form of civilization or state road that might actually have another car on it at the same time as mine.
Road construction through Oconto also created a problem, seeing as the entire road was completely torn to shit, and I had to retrace a good fifteen miles to get back onto a road that would take me an additional 20 miles out of my way.
And my damn box just kept shouting at me, ordering me around. I can just feel my blood pressure rise as that box gets incrementally louder as you screw up and disobey orders more and more.
AND TO TOP IT OFF, the technology continues to get more advanced, and therefore more "helpful," adding features like Speed Warning, which analyzes what roads you are driving on and alerts you with a trumpet making a noise similar to those heard at horse derbies.
We pay a box to scream orders at us. What a society.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A feeling you just can't shake
Below rests a journal entry entailing a journey I still am embarking on. A journey of acceptance of myself and of unchangeable circumstances.
For every person out there who has given your all and lost it, I think you'll be able to relate. But the penultimate feeling that should resound from this is this: underneath all of this hurt and pain, where does it stem? What is the root of pain in this situation.
I think you'll see what I found my answer to be.
*******
Oh, you make me so upset.
You have kicked me around in one of the worst ways possible, and I just can't seem to forgive myself or you. I can't. I feel like my life is on pause when it needs to be in fast-forward mode just to catch up.
I feel more cautious because of you. I listen to songs that say "You're all I need," but I obviously don't' "need" you. But the addiction of the relationship isn't gone. It won't be.
You were my first love. Forever and always.
All that kissy shit.
Accusatory? Do I accuse you, or should I accuse myself? The competition for the amount of hurt I feel is not the case, but rather just an integral part of me keeping things "black and white" for my understand. Are you hurting or not? Do I miss him or not? Yes or no. Black or white.
"Yeah. The world sucks. But lumping guys into this category will get you nowhere."
Thanks for that slap across the face, friend. I know that. I get it. Lumping "guys" into a category close to the status of "scum of the earth" is going to make me hurt, and it will jeopardize everything I have with anyone else or would like to.
Why do my eyes still water when they should be dry for the next ten years? Why do I look at mementos of you when all I want to do is delete and tear them up?
Why do I seem to be stuck in this rut? It's just full of loneliness, not only because you stepped away, but because the more I dwell on this destruction, the more it pushes others away from me.
What is my worst fear? That I don't trust everyone else, or that I don't trust myself? That taking a chance will put me through this again, or that no one will compare?
I don't trust myself anymore.
For every person out there who has given your all and lost it, I think you'll be able to relate. But the penultimate feeling that should resound from this is this: underneath all of this hurt and pain, where does it stem? What is the root of pain in this situation.
I think you'll see what I found my answer to be.
*******
Oh, you make me so upset.
You have kicked me around in one of the worst ways possible, and I just can't seem to forgive myself or you. I can't. I feel like my life is on pause when it needs to be in fast-forward mode just to catch up.
I feel more cautious because of you. I listen to songs that say "You're all I need," but I obviously don't' "need" you. But the addiction of the relationship isn't gone. It won't be.
You were my first love. Forever and always.
All that kissy shit.
Accusatory? Do I accuse you, or should I accuse myself? The competition for the amount of hurt I feel is not the case, but rather just an integral part of me keeping things "black and white" for my understand. Are you hurting or not? Do I miss him or not? Yes or no. Black or white.
"Yeah. The world sucks. But lumping guys into this category will get you nowhere."
Thanks for that slap across the face, friend. I know that. I get it. Lumping "guys" into a category close to the status of "scum of the earth" is going to make me hurt, and it will jeopardize everything I have with anyone else or would like to.
Why do my eyes still water when they should be dry for the next ten years? Why do I look at mementos of you when all I want to do is delete and tear them up?
Why do I seem to be stuck in this rut? It's just full of loneliness, not only because you stepped away, but because the more I dwell on this destruction, the more it pushes others away from me.
What is my worst fear? That I don't trust everyone else, or that I don't trust myself? That taking a chance will put me through this again, or that no one will compare?
I don't trust myself anymore.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Under the Stars
Come take a walk with me,
Under the stars.
Where the crickets chirp,
And Facebook doesn't strip you of your dignity.
Come walk with me,
Where we talk about everything
While we talk about nothing,
And everything feels right.
Come lay by me,
Under the stars.
I hold out my hand,
but wait...it was once your hand that wanted mine.
I lay under the stars,
With your silhouette looking down on me.
And you frown,
Disappointment creeping over both of our faces.
And you walk away.
Leaving me under the stars.
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